Embracing Matrescence: Redefining Our Identities After Maternity

Liliana Saraiva
Jun 1
3 min read

Motherhood changes everything. Many women find themselves struggling to go back to work after maternity, not just because of practical challenges but because their sense of self has shifted. The idea of returning to who we were before having a child can feel impossible, and that pressure often leads to frustration and guilt. Instead of trying to fit into an old mold, it helps to understand matrescence—the profound transformation women experience as they become mothers—and embrace the new identity it brings.

Eye-level view of a mother sitting peacefully in a cozy chair with a baby blanket

Understanding Matrescence

Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother, similar to adolescence but for women entering motherhood. It involves physical, emotional, psychological, and social changes that reshape identity. This transition is often overlooked, yet it is crucial for women to recognize that they are not simply returning to their old selves after maternity leave. Instead, they are evolving into a new version of themselves.

This transformation can be confusing and challenging. Women may feel torn between their previous roles and the demands of motherhood. The pressure to "bounce back" physically and professionally can make the experience feel like a loss rather than growth.

Why Going Back to the Old Normal Is Not the Goal

Many women feel struggling to go back to work after maternity because they expect to pick up where they left off. Society often promotes the idea that motherhood is a temporary pause, but in reality, it is a permanent shift. Trying to return to the old normal ignores the deep changes matrescence brings.

Expecting to be the same person can cause:

Feelings of inadequacy or failure
Increased stress and anxiety
Difficulty balancing work and family life
A sense of isolation or disconnect from colleagues and friends

Accepting that the old normal is gone opens the door to creating a new balance that fits the current reality.

Finding Your New Normal

The new normal after maternity is unique to each woman. It involves redefining priorities, boundaries, and self-care routines. Here are some practical ways to embrace this change:

1. Reflect on Your Values and Priorities

Motherhood often shifts what matters most. Take time to consider:

What aspects of your work and life bring you joy?
How do you want to spend your time and energy?
What boundaries do you need to set to protect your well-being?

This reflection helps align your new identity with your daily choices.

2. Communicate Your Needs Clearly

Whether at work or home, expressing your needs is essential. This might mean:

Negotiating flexible work hours or remote options
Asking for support with childcare or household tasks
Setting limits on overtime or extra responsibilities

Clear communication reduces misunderstandings and builds support networks.

3. Seek Connection with Other Mothers

Sharing experiences with others going through matrescence can be validating and comforting. Consider:

Joining mother support groups or online communities
Attending local parenting classes or meetups
Talking openly with friends who are mothers

These connections remind you that you are not alone in the challenges.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Motherhood is demanding, and self-criticism only adds to the burden. Try to:

Acknowledge your efforts and progress
Allow yourself to rest without guilt
Celebrate small victories and milestones

Self-compassion fosters resilience and emotional health.

Overcoming Challenges at Work

Returning to work after maternity can feel overwhelming. The struggle to balance professional identity with new motherhood is real. Here are some strategies to ease the transition:

Plan a phased return if possible, gradually increasing hours or responsibilities.
Create a support system at work, including understanding managers and colleagues.
Set realistic goals that account for your current energy and focus levels.
Use available resources such as employee assistance programs or parenting workshops.
Prioritize tasks and delegate when possible to avoid burnout.

Remember, your value at work is not diminished by motherhood. It is about finding a sustainable way to integrate both parts of your life.

Embracing Growth and Change

Matrescence is not just about loss or sacrifice; it is about growth and discovery. Many women find new strengths, passions, and perspectives through motherhood. This transformation can lead to: